Three...well...Four Musketeers

I don't know what's going on, but decent movies are starting to show up in theaters...Films worth buying when they're released to the public no less!

This week's film is Three Musketeers.  I'll rate this at a solid 4.5 out of 5.
Put simply, anyone who loves the Assassin's Creed games is going to love this film, or anyone looking for a fun film will love this; anyone who wants to see anything historically accurate, sorry, you're out of luck.  Filled with cool sword fights, cheezy one liners, and historical fantasy, this is one of the best movies I've seen.

The plot of the film centers on a young man from a rural village of France meeting and reestablishing the three musketeers, who no longer serve due to a failed mission.  The three (now four) musketeers are then sent to retrieve the French queen's stolen diamond necklace so that the French King doesn't start a war with the British over the queen's supposed relations with a British nobleman.
Unlike many movies, the predictability of this film doesn't detract from the entertainment.  Sure, you know what's going to happen, but the variety of cheesy one liners and strange gadgets (like the flying battleships, or Aramis' diving suit) keep the predictable plot delightful.

The absolute best part of this film is its cheesiness.  There are more cheesy one liners in this film than there have been in any movie since Star Wars. The actors while doing a wonderful job, act in such a way that most everything that happens is funny to one person or another.  Furthermore, there are some scenes in the film that are added in purely for cheese.  At the very end of the film, there is one servant who gets hit by a falling flag pole, why,  most movies wouldn't have done it, and it was funny.

The historical fantasy is the second best part of the film.  Like I said, you're not going to this movie for the historical accuracy.  Rather, the film employs a variety of strange contraptions that shouldn't have existed at this time in history.  In the beginning, one of the musketeers enters through the water in a diving suit.  He's fully able of breathing underwater and, remaining dry while doing so.  A few scenes later, the same musketeer uses fully automatic crossbows.  After the opening credits (after the preamble where the musketeers fail their mission) Orlando Bloom arrives at Versailles in a flying battleship.  The ship is equipped with standard cannons, along with a flame thrower, and an interpretation of a cannon Gatling gun.
The point: who cares about the accuracy. These machines add to the enjoyment of the film because they look possible.  There were no really modern items, only creative renditions of preexisting technology, or (in the case of the battleship) creation of one of DaVinci's inventions.  The other part of this, is the items are so unrealistic they add to the overall cheesiness of the film.

The cast has one truly recognizable face: Orlando Bloom (who sadly doesn't do much except look and act like Johnny Depp in Pirates of the Caribbean).  The other members of the cast are all celebrity look-a-likes.  TV stars, or bit actors from many other films, some who've only had one starring role (Milady starred in the 1998 film The Fifth Element and Dartagnin starred in The Lightning Thief) are placed as stand-ins for more well known faces; if you'll see the movie you'll likely 'recognize' those faces.

The only thing I didn't like about this film was that Orlando Bloom was just there.  After Pirates of the Caribbean Orlando Bloom became the most recognized movie sword fighter.  Sadly, Bloom never fought in this, he was just there attempting to be Jack Sparrow.  His cheesy French beard, the deep eye shadow, his swagger, and the attempted drawl of his voice can only be interpreted as an attempt at imitating Johnny Depp and his famous role as Jack Sparrow.  Again, this isn't a bad as it adds to the cheesiness, but if you're going to pay Orlando Bloom to act like Johnny Depp, might as well spend the same amount and just get Johnny Depp.

As always, here's the link to the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes.  I can't even begin to start with this.  Everyone took this film too seriously.  It's supposed to be stupid, cheesy and all over fun.  How well it follows the novel is beyond me, I haven't read it, but to me this is a fun film.  I'm not even going to try with these reviews.  Epic fail: no, cheeky: definitely, cheesy: abundantly, but it's supposed to be.

I will say though, my favorite review of the week comes from the poor fool who posted his Paranormal Activity 3 review on the wrong film.  That is Epic Fail, The Three Musketeers is definitely not.